Eighth Day of Advent

- December 8th -

The work’s Christmas party. Does anyone actually enjoy them?

There’s an age old myth - usually perpetuated by early 80s sitcoms, or aging uncles - that the work’s Christmas party is a hotbed of sin, vice and naughty goings on…usually in the office supply cupboard.

But let’s be honest here; hands up who’s actually gotten up to anything they shouldn’t at a work’s festive do?

Most of the parties I’ve been to that involve work colleagues usually involve a sit down meal, some cheerful banter, followed by a few drinks at a nearby boozer, then home to the missus.

Oh yeah, and we’re all supposed to photocopy our arses at these shindigs, and all. I mean, if that’s what everyone really did at the office party then no one would have any time for the actual drinking and debauchery bit, they’d be too busy joining a very long queue that stretched from the fire exit all the way up to the photocopier!

Let’s face it, it’s to the Christmas specials of Terry & June, The Two Ronnies and On the Buses that we must look, if we want to see where these mythical images of randy males chasing a female work colleague that they’ve fancied for ages down the corridor with a sprig of mistletoe really started.

For most of us, a work’s knees-up is a slightly disappointing and tedious affair, usually involving soggy sausage rolls and trying to avoid talking to that bloke from accounts who you don’t really like but can’t quite say why.

If only they were more like the ones we see on Terry & June; wouldn’t life be much more exciting! Staggering out of the supplies cupboard with that blonde from reception, your paper hat all crooked, your tie slightly undone and red lipstick marks all over your cheeks. Shouting “Whay hey!” as you goose that woman from the typing pool on your way to the buffet.

It’d be great. It really would. But sadly it’s just not real. Now relegated (since the sad death of proper sitcoms) to the pages of Viz, who use it in a purely ironic way.

If anyone actually goes to those sorts of parties I’d love an invite. I’ve got my own paper hat and tie, and have been known, on the odd occasion, to shout “Whay hey!” in an annoyingly loud and chauvinistic way.

And I’ve seen all the Christmas episodes of Terry & June, The Two Ronnies and On the Buses, so, you see, I am qualified!